반존대 (banjondae) — Not casual, not polite: that awkward in-between temperature
반존대
반존대 (banjondae) means speech that mixes 존댓말 (jondaenmal, polite speech) and 반말 (banmal, casual speech) so that the speaker neither fully elevates the listener nor fully talks down to them — a half-raised, in-between register. Foreigners who have lived in Korea a long time all describe the same moment. At a fruit stand in the market, the owner tells the customer ahead of you “이거 맛있어요, 좀 깎아 드릴게요” (igeo masisseoyo, jom kkakka deurilgeyo — “These are good, I’ll knock a bit off for you”), and then it’s your turn and the endings get chopped off: “이거 맛있어. 싸. 두 개 줄게” (igeo masisseo. ssa. du gae julge — “These are good. Cheap. I’ll give you two”). His face is far too kind for you to call it rude, but his speech to the person ahead of you was clearly not the speech he’s using with you. The name attached to that ambiguous spot is exactly 반존대.
반존대 shows up in three main forms. First, dropping and re-adding ‘-요’ (-yo). The speaker drifts between “어디 가세요?” (eodi gaseyo? — polite “Where are you going?”) and “어디 가?” (eodi ga? — casual “Where you going?”), then blurs the ending altogether with “어디 가시게…” (eodi gasige…). Second, swinging between polite and casual within a single conversation. Someone answers “네, 알겠습니다” (ne, algesseumnida — “Yes, understood”) and immediately tacks on “근데 그거 언제 끝나?” (geunde geugeo eonje kkeunna? — casual “But when does that wrap up?”). Third, never finishing the sentence at all. “그건 좀…” (geugeon jom… — “That’s a little…”), “아, 저는 괜찮은데…” (a, jeoneun gwaenchaneunde… — “Ah, I’m fine, but…”), the ending left floating in midair. All three forms have one cause: talking down feels impolite, speaking up feels distancing, so the speaker simply postpones the decision.
That is why 반존대 becomes a speech style that buys the speaker convenience by handing the calculation to the listener. The listener has to re-measure, sentence by sentence, whether “this person finds me comfortable, or finds me easy to push around.” It’s usually read as rude when it flows downhill along a power gradient — customer to part-timer, boss to new hire, Korean to foreigner. On the other hand, it can also be a natural transitional stretch two people pass through as they grow closer. Two people who had only used 존댓말 start letting a word or two slip into 반말, and eventually one of them says “우리 그냥 말 놓을까요?” (uri geunyang mal noeulkkayo? — “Should we just drop the formalities?”); the speech of those few in-between days is 반존대. Same style, different meaning: 반존대 heading toward mutual agreement feels natural, while 반존대 where one side steps down without agreement feels offensive.
Seeing it in a real conversation
Setting: On the way out of the neighborhood market after shopping. Emily is sulking about what just happened at the fruit stand.
에밀리: 아저씨가 나한테만 계속 “이거 맛있어, 싸게 줄게” 이러시더라. The shop owner kept saying to me, “This is tasty, I’ll give you a deal,” in casual speech.
준경: 아, 반존대. 나한텐 “맛있어요” 하시던데. Ah, half-honorifics. He said it to me with the polite ending.
에밀리: 그치? 내가 외국인이라 그러시는 것 같아서 좀 그래. Right? I think it’s because I’m a foreigner, and that bugs me a little.
준경: 악의는 없으실 거야. 외국인한테는 쉽게 말해야 한다고 생각하시는 거지. He didn’t mean any harm. He just thinks you have to speak simply to foreigners.
에밀리: 근데 반존대가 제일 애매해. 친한 것도 아니고 존중받는 것도 아니고. But half-honorifics are the most awkward thing. It’s neither friendly nor respectful.
준경: 맞아. 손님이 어린 알바생한테 그러는 것도 딱 그래서 문제야. True. That’s exactly why it’s a problem when customers do it to young part-timers.
This is where it sounds off
✗ (to a convenience store clerk) 이거 얼마야? 봉투 하나 줘. (igeo eolmaya? bongtu hana jwo.) ✓ (to a convenience store clerk) 이거 얼마예요? 봉투 하나 주세요. (igeo eolmayeyo? bongtu hana juseyo.) → The moment you lower your endings because the other person looks young, it becomes 반존대. It’s not age but the relationship that decides your speech level. If you’re meeting for the first time, adding ‘-요’ (-yo) is the default regardless of age.
✗ (on first meeting someone) 처음 뵙겠습니다. 저는 편하게 반존대로 말씀드릴게요. (cheoeum boepgesseumnida. jeoneun pyeonhage banjondaero malsseumdeurilgeyo.) ✓ (on first meeting someone) 처음 뵙겠습니다. 편하게 말씀 낮추셔도 됩니다. (cheoeum boepgesseumnida. pyeonhage malsseum natchusyeodo doemnida. — “Nice to meet you. Feel free to speak casually with me.”) → 반존대 is not a style you announce you’ll be using. It’s closer to a name the listener attaches after already feeling uncomfortable. Because it contains 반 (半, “half”), it’s easy to misread as “half-polite speech,” but the actual nuance is more like “speech that only bothered with half the courtesy.”
Example sentences by situation
1) Venting to a friend after a shift
손님이 자꾸 반존대를 하셔서 좀 불편했어요. (sonnimi jakku banjondaereul hasyeoseo jom bulpyeonhaesseoyo.) “A customer kept using half-honorifics with me and it made me uncomfortable.”
Anyone who has worked at a café or convenience store has run into this. If someone used flat-out 반말, you could at least object; but when it swings back and forth — “이거 하나 주세요… 아, 이건 얼마야?” (igeo hana juseyo… a, igeon eolmaya? — “One of these, please… oh, how much is this one?”) — you can’t even find the moment to get annoyed. 반존대 is the one word that sums up that frustration.
2) Before switching to casual speech with a coworker whose age gap is unclear
우리 반존대 말고 그냥 편하게 말 놓을까요? (uri banjondae malgo geunyang pyeonhage mal noeulkkayo?) “Instead of these half-honorifics, should we just switch to casual speech?”
This is the line somebody finally brings up after about two weeks of both people awkwardly trailing off. Here 반존대 isn’t an accusation but a label for the current state. It’s a polished way of saying “our speech is a bit odd right now, isn’t it?” It’s also worth remembering that the person who asks is usually the older one or the one who joined earlier.
3) When a learner checks their own speech
저 혹시 지금 반존대하고 있었나요? (jeo hoksi jigeum banjondaehago itseonnayo?) “Was I just using half-honorifics without realizing it?”
This actually happens more often as your Korean gets better. When 반말 expressions picked up from dramas and the 해요체 (haeyoche) style learned from textbooks mix inside one sentence, you may not notice — but the listener does. This sentence is far more precise than “죄송한데 제 말투 어땠어요?” (joesonghande je maltu eottaesseoyo? — “Sorry, how was my speech?”), and it makes it easy for the other person to correct you.
Expressions related to 존댓말 and 반말
| Expression | Temperature / intensity | Where it’s used |
|---|---|---|
| 반존대 (banjondae) | In-between; easily makes the listener uncomfortable | Slips out unconsciously when age or rank is unclear. Not a style to recommend on purpose |
| 해요체 (haeyoche) | Soft politeness | The everyday default. Shops, neighbors, first meetings |
| 하십시오체 (hasipsioche) | Formal politeness | Meetings, presentations, customer service, official documents |
| 반말 (banmal) | Close and comfortable | Friends and juniors. Only after mutual agreement |
| 말을 놓다 (mareul nota) | Neutral (it names an act, not a style) | When proposing or granting the switch to casual speech |
The pair that’s easiest to confuse is 반존대 and 반말. 반말 has a clear identity: warm between friends, rude with strangers. 반존대, by contrast, is defined precisely by having a blurry identity. So learners really only need one practical strategy: when you don’t know which way to go, always add ‘-요’ (-yo). You almost never lose by being too polite, but people lose something every single day by stepping halfway down.
Cultural background — speech that only half-elevates
반존대 is built from the Sino-Korean 반 (半, “half”) plus 존대 (尊待, “treating someone with elevation”). Literally, “half-elevation.” The word formation is so transparent that you can guess the meaning without being told, but in actual use the center of gravity sits on “half,” not on “elevation.” When people reach for this word, it’s usually not to compliment someone — it’s to point something out.
The reason Korean needs this word is that Korean is a language that declares relationships through speech style. In English you can use the same sentence with someone you just met and with a friend of ten years, but in Korean you have to reveal the distance between the two of you the instant you open a sentence. That’s why Koreans literally negotiate this out loud: “말 놓으세요” (mal noeuseyo — “Please speak casually with me”), “아니에요, 그래도 편하실 대로 하세요” (anieyo, geuraedo pyeonhasil daero haseyo — “No, please do whatever’s comfortable for you”). When one side skips that negotiation and steps down alone, what’s left is exactly 반존대.
This is also why workplace dramas keep returning to this point. In shows about office life, a new employee repeatedly has to gauge their own position against a supervisor’s half-committed speech; in family dramas, a son-in-law or daughter-in-law regularly struggles to match speech levels with the in-laws. Without a single line of explanation, one changed verb ending is enough for the audience to sense how the relationship has shifted. This is exactly the territory Korean learners are still wrestling with long after they’ve finished all the grammar.
One last, very practical note for foreign learners. Hearing 반존대 as a foreigner in Korea is more common than you’d expect. Most of the time it comes not from ill will but from a kindness of sorts: “I should keep it simple so they can follow.” But when the product of that kindness sounds like a lack of respect, it’s still a habit worth fixing. In those moments, a smiling “저 한국말 괜찮아요, 편하게 존댓말로 해 주셔도 돼요” (jeo hangungmal gwaenchanayo, pyeonhage jondaenmallo hae jusyeodo dwaeyo — “My Korean is fine, feel free to use polite speech with me”) usually changes the register on the spot. Just knowing this word gives you the footing to say that one line.
Today’s quiz
You’ve been working next to a coworker at your new company for three weeks. You seem close in age and you’ve grown comfortable, but you both keep wobbling — “네, 알겠어요” (ne, algesseoyo) one moment, “근데 그거 언제 끝나?” (geunde geugeo eonje kkeunna?) the next. What’s the most natural way to settle this?
- 저한테 반말하지 마세요. (jeohante banmalhaji maseyo. — “Don’t use casual speech with me.”)
- 우리 계속 반존대하는 것 같은데, 그냥 말 놓을까요? (uri gyesok banjondaehaneun geot gateunde, geunyang mal noeulkkayo? — “We seem to be stuck in half-honorifics — should we just switch to casual speech?”)
- 앞으로 하십시오체로 말씀해 주시겠습니까? (apeuro hasipsiochero malsseumhae jusigesseumnikka? — “From now on, would you please address me in the formal style?”)
Answer: 2
Option 1 brands the other person as rude, which is far too strong for this situation. Option 3 yanks an already-close relationship back into a formal ceremony, so it lands as awkward. Option 2 names the current state precisely as 반존대 and then proposes the next step. It blames no one and moves both people’s speech onto agreed ground — the most Korean solution there is.
Definitions and example sentences are from the National Institute of Korean Language’s Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr); that portion of this post, including our translations, is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 KR.