파혼 (pahon) — The Word That Comes After the Invitations Have Gone Out
파혼
파혼 (pahon) means breaking off a promise to marry. It isn’t a couple who were dating and split up, and it isn’t a legally registered married couple parting ways. It’s when the two families have met and exchanged greetings, a date has been set, and the wedding invitations have already started going out — and at that point the marriage becomes something that never happened. That’s 파혼.
Watch enough Korean dramas and you’ll hear this word unusually often. Someone brings up the deposit on the wedding hall, voices rise at the 상견례 (sanggyeollye, the formal meeting between the two families), and in the preview for the next episode the bride walks out of the venue still in her wedding dress. The two syllables that flash across the subtitles at that moment are 파혼. From a learner’s point of view it looks like knowing the meaning is the whole job — but it isn’t. This word has a narrow set of places where you can use it, and its temperature is very low. The distance between knowing what it means and knowing how to use it is a long one.
Let’s start with the conditions. For 파혼 to apply, three things have to be true. ① There was a public promise to marry (an engagement ceremony, a 상견례 (sanggyeollye), a contract with the wedding hall, invitations — some form the people around you know about). ② It is still before the ceremony. ③ That promise was broken. If even one of these is missing, you need a different word. If you were only dating and broke up, it’s 헤어지다 (heeojida) or 결별 (gyeolbyeol); if you separated after the marriage, it’s 이혼 (ihon).
It’s worth learning the forms together, too. 파혼하다 (pahonhada) is when I — or we — did the breaking; 파혼당하다 (pahondanghada) is when the other person did. In Korean, attaching -당하다 (-danghada) adds a strong nuance of having something unwanted done to you, and 파혼당하다 especially so. Using that form casually in front of the person it happened to will wound them. In news reports and documents it shows up stiffly as 파혼에 이르다 (pahone ireuda) or 파혼을 통보하다 (pahoneul tongbohada), while between friends people often soften it to something like 결혼 깨졌대 (gyeolhon kkaejyeottae) — “I heard the wedding fell through.”
Checking the National Institute of Korean Language dictionary
파혼 「noun」 결혼하기로 한 약속을 깸. (gyeolhonhagiro han yaksogeul kkaem.) — Breaking a promise to marry.
[English] breaking off one’s engagement — An act of breaking one’s promised wedding. [Japanese] はこん【破婚】 — 婚約を解消すること。 [Spanish] rompimiento de compromiso matrimonial — Acción de romper una promesa de boda. [Chinese] 退婚，退亲 — 取消婚约。 — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)
The definition is short, and that’s exactly why it’s precise. “Breaking a promise to marry” — the key words are promise and breaking. It isn’t the marriage that broke; it’s the promise to marry that broke. So the fact that the ceremony hasn’t happened yet is already built into the definition. One note: the dictionary carries no Portuguese translation for this entry, so we’ve supplied our own here — rompimento de noivado (not a dictionary-listed translation).
Here are the actual usage examples from the dictionary.
- 민준은 약혼녀의 난잡한 사생활을 알게 된 후 파혼했다. Minjun broke off the engagement after learning about his fiancée’s messy private life.
- 파혼이 만부득이하다. Calling off the engagement is absolutely unavoidable.
- 파혼 직전. On the verge of calling off the engagement.
- 갑자기 약혼자와 파혼을 했다는 동생의 말에 집안이 발칵 뒤집혔다. The whole household was thrown into an uproar when my younger sibling suddenly said the engagement was off.
- 나는 결혼까지 하기로 했던 여자와 크게 싸우고 파혼을 당했다. I had a huge fight with the woman I was going to marry, and she broke off the engagement. — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)
Let’s go through them one at a time.
- “민준은 약혼녀의 난잡한 사생활을 알게 된 후 파혼했다.” — Notice that the word 약혼녀 (yakhonnyeo, fiancée) comes first. The sentence demonstrates on its own that an engagement has to already exist for 파혼 to apply. And the one doing the breaking is Minjun. He’s the one who ended it.
- “파혼이 만부득이하다.” — 만부득이하다 (manbudeuk’ihada) is a literary expression meaning there is absolutely no way around it. The fact that 파혼 sits comfortably next to language this stiff tells you it isn’t a word for light occasions.
- “파혼 직전.” — Not broken yet, but one more step and it will be. You’ll see this form constantly in drama plot summaries and episode blurbs.
- “갑자기 약혼자와 파혼을 했다는 동생의 말에 집안이 발칵 뒤집혔다.” — This captures the distinctly Korean context in which a broken engagement isn’t just a matter between two people but an event for the entire family. 발칵 뒤집히다 (balkak dwijiphida) is an idiom meaning the whole household was thrown into chaos.
- “나는 결혼까지 하기로 했던 여자와 크게 싸우고 파혼을 당했다.” — Here’s the -당하다 we talked about. The speaker isn’t the one who ended it; he’s the one who was told. The sting of that is carried by 당했다 (danghaetda).
A real conversation
The scene: Saturday morning. You’ve already pressed your suit to go to the wedding — and then a group text arrives.
Jun-kyung: 야, 이거 봤어? 오늘 결혼식 취소래. Hey, did you see this? Today’s wedding is called off.
Emily: 어? 지난주에 청첩장 받았는데… 진짜 파혼한 거야? Huh? I got the invitation just last week… did they actually break off the engagement?
Jun-kyung: 어. 상견례에서 크게 틀어졌다더라. 신부 쪽에서 먼저 파혼하자고 했대. Yeah. Things blew up at the family meeting. The bride’s side brought it up first.
Emily: 헐. 축의금 봉투에 이름까지 써 놨는데. Wow. I’d already written my name on the gift envelope.
Jun-kyung: 그러게. 그래도 식장 들어가서 깨지는 것보단 낫지. I know. Still, better than it falling apart at the altar.
Emily: 하긴. 문자는 그냥… 답장 안 하는 게 낫겠지? True. About the text… probably better not to reply, right?
That last line is the heart of the conversation. In Korea, the most common reaction to hearing about a broken engagement is to say nothing at all. Comfort, confirmation, asking why — those all come later, if at all.
This sounds off in Korean
✗ (to the person it happened to) 야, 너 파혼했다며? 왜 깨졌어? Hey, I heard your engagement fell through? Why did it break off? ✓ (to the person it happened to) 요즘 좀 어때? 밥은 먹고 다니고? How have you been lately? Are you eating okay? → A broken engagement is as heavy an event as a divorce. Pulling the word out in front of the person, as if to confirm it, sounds like you came over out of curiosity. Everyone already knows the news, so not naming it and simply asking how they’re doing is the Korean form of consideration.
✗ (to a friend who broke up with a partner of three years) 너희 파혼했어? Did you two break off your engagement? ✓ (same situation) 너희 헤어졌어? Did you two break up? → This is a common mix-up. 파혼 requires a public promise in the form of an engagement. Used about a couple who were only dating, it sounds like an exaggeration, and the listener will tilt their head and think, “Were we engaged?”
Example sentences by situation
1. Passing on the news to a friend (casual speech)
지수 언니 결국 파혼했대 (pahonhaettae). 청첩장 다 돌리고 나서. Jisu ended up calling off the wedding — after the invitations had all gone out.
The ending -대 (-dae) is used when relaying something you heard from someone else. News of a broken engagement almost always travels secondhand like this, so in real conversation it shows up far more often in relayed forms like 파혼했대 (pahonhaettae) or 깨졌대 (kkaejyeottae).
2. When the person announces it themselves (polite speech)
죄송한데, 저 파혼했습니다 (pahonhaetseumnida). 청첩장은 없던 걸로 해 주세요. I’m sorry to say this — the engagement is off. Please disregard the invitation.
This is the sentence for telling a workplace or a group where invitations had gone out. No reason is given. In Korea, leaving the explanation off an announcement like this is actually considered the more polite choice.
3. Talking about a drama
그 드라마 3화에서 파혼 직전 (pahon jikjeon)까지 갔다가 극적으로 화해하더라. In episode 3 they get right up to calling it off, then dramatically make up.
Here’s 파혼 직전 (pahon jikjeon) — the phrase from the dictionary examples — alive in ordinary speech. When it’s someone else’s story, or a fictional one, this word comes to the lips far more easily.
Politeness levels and similar expressions
By speech level, it climbs 파혼했어 (pahonhaesseo) → 파혼했어요 (pahonhaesseoyo) → 파혼했습니다 (pahonhaetseumnida). But this word doesn’t get any safer just because you make it polite. The more formal you go, the more it starts to sound like an official notice, so it’s better to simply avoid relaying someone else’s broken engagement to a senior person at all.
Lining it up against words that look similar makes its place clear.
| Expression | Weight and tone | Where it’s used |
|---|---|---|
| 파혼 (pahon) | Heavy, formal | After the engagement or 상견례 (sanggyeollye), when the marriage falls apart before the ceremony |
| 이혼 (ihon) | Heavy, legal | When a legally registered couple separates. Cannot be used before the ceremony |
| 헤어지다 (heeojida) | Everyday, neutral | The end of a dating relationship. The broadest in use |
| 결별 (gyeolbyeol) | Literary, a bit stiff | News articles, official announcements. Used of companies and teams as well as people |
| 약혼을 깨다 (yakhoneul kkaeda) | Descriptive, a little softer | When spelling it out in conversation; when you want to make clear who did the breaking |
Cultural background — a matter between two families
파혼 is a Sino-Korean word. 파 (破, pa) means “to break,” and 혼 (婚, hon) means “marriage.” Literally, “breaking a marriage.” Other words built on the same 파 (破) include 파산 (破産, pasan — bankruptcy, wealth broken) and 파기 (破棄, pagi — scrapping a promise or contract), and just knowing it belongs to that family tells you the word’s temperature. On the other side stand 결혼 (結婚, gyeolhon — 결 meaning “to tie”) and 약혼 (約婚, yakhon — 약 meaning “to promise”). Tying, promising, breaking: the three characters move as a set.
The reason a broken engagement becomes such a large event in Korea is that a marriage doesn’t end with two people. The parents meet at the 상견례 (sanggyeollye), gifts and household goods are discussed, contracts with the venue and the photo studio are signed, and invitations go out to coworkers and relatives. By the time of the 파혼, in other words, dozens or hundreds of people already know. It’s no accident that the dictionary example comes with “집안이 발칵 뒤집혔다” (the whole household was thrown into an uproar) attached. What breaks is a relationship between two people; what has to be cleaned up belongs to two families.
That’s also why dramas won’t let this material go. Two families about to be joined clashing at the 상견례 table, the bride vanishing on the morning of the ceremony — these are old, reliable devices in Korean drama. One person’s decision can immediately shake their family, their workplace, and their neighborhood, so there’s no better event for flipping the whole board in a single short scene. If you’re learning Korean through dramas, the odds of running into this word are very high — though here’s hoping you rarely have occasion to say it in real life.
Today’s quiz
In which of the following situations can you use 파혼?
- You broke up yesterday with a partner you’d dated for three years.
- A legally registered married couple has separated in the eyes of the law.
- A couple who had finished the 상견례 and booked a wedding hall have decided the marriage is off.
- You met someone on a blind date, didn’t click, and there was no second meeting.
See the answer
Answer: 3
In 1 there was no public promise to marry, so 헤어졌다 (heeojyeotda) or 결별했다 (gyeolbyeolhaetda) is correct. In 2 a marriage had legally been established, so it’s 이혼 (ihon). In 4 there was no promise at all, so the word doesn’t apply. Situation 3 — where there was a promise the people around them knew about, like a 상견례 or a signed venue contract, and the ceremony hasn’t happened yet — is exactly where 파혼 fits.
Definitions and example sentences are from the National Institute of Korean Language’s Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr); that portion of this post, including our translations, is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 KR.