실례지만 (sillyejiman) — The Safest Four Syllables for Talking to a Stranger
실례지만
Today’s expression is 실례지만 (sillyejiman). 실례지만 is what you say right before you approach someone you don’t know, or right before you bring up a delicate question or request — it asks for a bit of grace in advance, along the lines of “I know this is a little rude of me, but please bear with me.” It slots into almost exactly the same place as the English “Excuse me, but…”
For learners who have just arrived in Korea, the first wall you hit isn’t grammar — it’s “how do I even start talking?” You need to ask for directions, but the first words won’t come out. You want to check whether the seat next to you in a café is free, and it feels awkward both to just sit down and to ask. You pick up the phone and have no idea who’s calling. One phrase works in all three situations: 실례지만. And far more important than memorizing the meaning is understanding what signal this phrase sends to the other person.
실례지만 communicates three things at once. First, we don’t know each other yet. Second, I’m about to take up a very small amount of your time. Third, is that okay? Which is why the phrase comes with a rule — a question or a request must always follow it. If you toss out 실례지만 and stop there, it sounds like a sentence that got cut off. It only becomes a complete unit once the rest is filled in, as in “실례지만, 여기 자리 있나요? (sillyejiman, yeogi jari innayo?)” — “Excuse me, is this seat taken?”
The temperature is polite but not heavy. It isn’t a phrase that bows its head like an apology; it’s the courtesy of knocking on a door. Because it keeps precise distance without putting a burden on the listener, simply attaching these four syllables in front of someone you’re meeting for the first time makes half the conversation safe.
A Real Conversation
Setting: Saturday afternoon, in front of the main gate of an apartment complex, where they’ve arranged to buy a used bike. They’ve arrived five minutes early and the two of them are milling around.
Jun-kyung: 저분인가? 자전거 끌고 오시는데. Is that them? Someone’s walking a bike over here.
Emily: 내가 물어볼게. 저기요! …아, 아니네. 그냥 지나가시는 거였어. I’ll ask. Hey there! …Oh, nope. They were just passing by.
Jun-kyung: 야, 대뜸 저기요 하면 상대도 좀 놀라. 앞에 실례지만 붙이고 시작해 봐. Hey, if you just yell “excuse me,” it startles people. Try starting with “sillyejiman” first.
Emily: 아 맞다. 그 네 글자 있고 없고 차이가 진짜 크더라. Oh right. Those four syllables really do make a difference.
Jun-kyung: 저기 또 한 분 오신다. 이번엔 네가 해 봐. Here comes another one. You try this time.
Emily: 실례지만, 혹시 자전거 때문에 나오셨어요? …봐, 바로 웃으시잖아. Excuse me, are you here about the bike by any chance? …See, they smiled right away.
These Uses Sound Off
✗ (To the roommate you live with) 실례지만, 리모컨 좀 줄래? (sillyejiman, rimokeon jom jullae?) ✓ (To the roommate you live with) 야, 리모컨 좀 줘 봐. (ya, rimokeon jom jwo bwa.) → 실례지만 is a phrase that marks “we don’t have a relationship yet.” Used on someone whose face you see every day, it either feels like you’re suddenly drawing a line, or it sounds like a sarcastic jab made in anger. In Korea, when this phrase shows up between close friends, it’s usually a joke, not sincerity.
✗ (After stepping on someone’s foot on the subway) 실례지만, 제가 밟았네요. (sillyejiman, jega balbanneyo.) ✓ (After stepping on someone’s foot on the subway) 앗, 죄송합니다. (at, joesonghamnida.) → 실례지만 is a heads-up about what you’re about to say, not an apology for something you’ve already done. For a mistake that’s already finished, “죄송합니다 (joesonghamnida)” or “실례했습니다 (sillyehaetseumnida)” is the right choice. It’s easy to remember if you think of it as a difference in tense — 실례지만 looks forward, 실례했습니다 looks back.
Example Sentences by Situation
① Asking a stranger for directions on the street
실례지만, 여기서 시청역 가려면 어느 쪽으로 가야 하나요? (sillyejiman, yeogieseo sicheong-yeok garyeomyeon eoneu jjogeuro gaya hanayo?) Excuse me, which way do I go from here to get to City Hall Station?
This is the textbook use. Even in the age of map apps, when the exit numbers get confusing you end up asking a person after all. If you skip 실례지만 and lead with “시청역 어디예요? (sicheong-yeok eodiyeyo?)” — “Where’s City Hall Station?” — it sounds rushed and brusque. Putting those four syllables up front buys the other person a moment to stop walking.
② Answering the phone when you don’t know who’s calling
실례지만, 어디시라고 전해 드릴까요? (sillyejiman, eodisirago jeonhae deurilkkayo?) Excuse me, may I ask who’s calling?
When you pick up a call on someone else’s behalf at work, this is used almost as a set phrase. “누구세요? (nuguseyo?)” — “Who is this?” — can feel like an interrogation, but adding 실례지만 turns it into an attitude of “I know it’s a bit forward of me to ask, but I’m asking on business.” When you’re asking for someone’s name, its natural partner is “실례지만, 성함이 어떻게 되세요? (sillyejiman, seongham-i eotteoke doeseyo?)”
③ Asking permission before asking something personal
실례지만, 실례가 안 된다면 나이를 여쭤봐도 될까요? (sillyejiman, sillyega an doendamyeon naireul yeojwobwado doelkkayo?) Excuse me — if you don’t mind my asking, may I ask how old you are?
In Korean, age is the yardstick that decides your speech level, so it comes up often — but it’s still sensitive information to ask about on a first meeting. Here, 실례지만 is close to a confession: “I know this question might be rude.” With this one phrase attached, neither side feels embarrassed if the other dodges the answer. It’s an especially useful move for learners — put it in front of a question you’re not sure you’re allowed to ask, and the risk of the question is cut in half.
Formal and Casual Speech, and Similar Expressions
| Expression | Temperature / intensity | Where it’s used |
|---|---|---|
| 실례지만 (sillyejiman) | Polite and formal. Keeps distance | Before speaking to a stranger or someone older/senior, when a question or request follows |
| 저기요 (jeogiyo) | Neutral. Can sound blunt depending on tone | Calling a server in a restaurant, stopping someone on the street |
| 죄송하지만 (joesonghajiman) | Mixed with apology. Heavier than 실례지만 | Turning something down, making a burdensome request |
| 잠시만요 (jamsimanyo) | Urgent and practical | Squeezing past people, asking someone to hold on a moment |
| 미안한데 (mianhande) | Casual speech. Relaxed and light | Bringing up a favor with a friend or someone younger |
The thing to notice in the table is that 실례지만 has no casual-speech counterpart. Force 실례지만 into 반말 (banmal, casual speech) and there’s nowhere to use it, because the phrase only works between people who have distance in the first place. Among friends, the phrase that fills the same slot is “미안한데 (mianhande)” or “야, 저기 (ya, jeogi).” Going the other direction, if you want to raise the formality, use “실례가 되지 않는다면 (sillyega doeji anneundamyeon)” instead of 실례지만.
One more thing. 실례합니다 (sillyehamnida) is a sibling expression, but it belongs in a different slot. 실례합니다 is used when you enter someone else’s space or pass between people — that is, when your body is moving. 실례지만 is used when your words are moving. Open the door to someone’s office with “실례합니다,” then say to the person inside, “실례지만, 김 과장님 자리에 계실까요? (sillyejiman, gim gwajangnim jarie gyesilkkayo?)” — string it together like that and it’s perfect.
Cultural Background — On “Losing Courtesy”
실례(失禮) is a Sino-Korean word. 실(失) means “to lose” and 례(禮) means “courtesy” — literally, “a loss of courtesy.” To that is attached -지만, the connective ending that acknowledges what came before and moves on to what follows. So if you unpack 실례지만 word for word, it comes out as “I know this is a breach of courtesy, but…” It’s a structure that opens by admitting you’re bending the rules slightly. Korean politeness often takes this shape — instead of softening the request, it comes right out and states that the request is a burden.
The places this phrase shows up in TV dramas are fixed, too. A detective ringing the doorbell at an unfamiliar house and pulling out a badge as he starts speaking; a reporter asking for an interview; the opening scene of a romance where the leads don’t even know each other’s names yet. So to Korean viewers, these four syllables sound like a signal: “a conversation between strangers is about to begin.” Conversely, once two people grow closer, the phrase quietly disappears. You wouldn’t be far off if you took the moment 실례지만 stops appearing as the moment the relationship changed.
In real life it’s used far more plainly. Convenience stores, hospital waiting rooms, government service windows, the meeting spot for a secondhand sale. There’s a reason this phrase is especially reassuring for foreign learners living in Korea: the pronunciation isn’t difficult, no sentence that follows it will sound awkward, and even if the grammar of what comes next wobbles a bit, the 실례지만 up front has already proven your intent. If your Korean is still shaky, these four syllables are the cheapest insurance policy there is against grammar mistakes.
Today’s Quiz
Which of the following is the best situation for using 실례지만?
① Right after stepping on the foot of the person next to you on the subway ② Borrowing a pen from a friend of ten years ③ Asking a stranger for directions ④ Apologizing to your boss for being late
Answer: ③
① and ④ are apologies for things that have already happened, so “죄송합니다 (joesonghamnida)” is the right choice. 실례지만 announces what you’re about to say; it isn’t an apology. In ②, you’re already plenty close, so using this phrase would sound like a sarcastic joke. Right before you bring up a request or a question with someone you don’t know, as in ③ — that spot is 실례지만’s home.