썸 (sseom): Not Quite a Couple Yet, but That Fluttering In-Between — Today's Korean Expression

When you watch Korean dramas, you’ll often run into ambiguous scenes where two people clearly seem to like each other, yet neither actually says the words “Are we dating?” The glances go back and forth, they text every day, they go out for meals together — but there’s still no “Let’s date” confession. Koreans have a single, tiny word for exactly this stage. It’s 썸 (sseom). Today, let’s take a deep dive into ‘썸’, the most quintessentially Korean word for romance — one that every fan of Korean culture around the world absolutely needs to know.

썸

썸 (sseom) comes from the English word ‘something’. It’s a coined word made by chopping off just the front part of the nuance “There is something between us.” So ‘썸’ means a subtle relationship where two people aren’t yet an official couple, but feel drawn to each other and grow as close as lovers.

The most important point is the word ‘yet’. The flutter right before you start dating, that nervous tingle when you aren’t sure of the other person’s feelings and have to tread carefully — that stretch of emotion is exactly ‘썸’. That’s why, in Korea, being in this kind of relationship is described as 썸을 타다 (sseom-eul tada). ‘타다’ originally means to get on or ride something, as in ‘버스를 타다 (beoseu-reul tada, to ride a bus)’, but here it’s extended to mean surrendering yourself to a flow or a mood.

Checking with the National Institute of Korean Language’s Dictionary

The Basic Korean Dictionary, published by the National Institute of Korean Language — a government body — defines ‘썸’ like this:

썸 (noun): A relationship in which two people are not yet dating but are as close to each other as a couple. [English] A relationship that is not yet dating but is close to each other like a couple. [Spanish] Relación cercana como novios aunque todavía no salen. [Chinese] 还不是交往，却像恋人一样亲密无间的关系。 — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)

For reference, the dictionary doesn’t include a Portuguese translation, so we’ve rendered one ourselves for learners (our own translation): Relação em que duas pessoas ainda não namoram, mas são próximas como um casal.

Let’s also look at the actual example sentences the dictionary provides.

나 요즘 썸을 타는 사람이 있는데 너무 마음에 들어. (na yojeum sseom-eul taneun sarami inneunde neomu maeume deureo.) — There’s someone I’m in a 썸 with these days, and I really like them. 그는 썸 이상의 관계로 나아가지 못해서 연애를 해 본 적이 없다. (geuneun sseom isang-ui gwangyero naagaji motaeseo yeonaereul hae bon jeogi eopda.) — He’s never been in a relationship because he can never move beyond a 썸. 지수와 민준이는 썸을 타는 사이다. (Jisuwa Minjunineun sseom-eul taneun saida.) — Jisu and Minjun are in a 썸 with each other. 썸을 타다. (sseom-eul tada.) — To be in a 썸. — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)

The first sentence, “나 요즘 썸을 타는 사람이 있는데 너무 마음에 들어 (na yojeum sseom-eul taneun sarami inneunde neomu maeume deureo)”, is a classic situation of spilling your fluttering heart to a friend. The second sentence describes someone who can’t ‘cross over’ from 썸 into a real relationship, showing that ‘썸’ is the stage right before dating. The third, “지수와 민준이는 썸을 타는 사이다 (Jisuwa Minjunineun sseom-eul taneun saida)”, has the tone of a third party observing and describing the two people’s relationship. In this way, the dictionary makes it clear that ‘썸’ is the stage immediately preceding romance.

3 Example Sentences by Situation

① When confiding in a friend

요즘 회사 동료랑 썸 타는 것 같은데 (sseom taneun geot gateunde), 이게 나 혼자만의 착각일까 봐 무서워. (yojeum hoesa dongnyorang sseom taneun geot gateunde, ige na honjaman-ui chagagilkka bwa museowo.) — I think I’ve got a 썸 going with a coworker these days, but I’m scared it might just be me imagining things.

This expresses the uneasy feeling of being together every day yet still not being sure.

② When the relationship is ambiguous

우리 지금 사귀는 것도 아니고 안 사귀는 것도 아니고, 딱 썸 (sseom) 단계야. (uri jigeum sagwineun geotdo anigo an sagwineun geotdo anigo, ttak sseom dangyeya.) — Right now we’re not exactly dating, but not exactly not dating either — we’re at the 썸 stage.

This sentence pinpoints exactly a situation where it’s awkward to put a name to the relationship.

③ When the relationship fizzles out

그 사람이랑 썸만 타다 끝났어 (sseom-man tada kkeutnasseo). (geu saramirang sseom-man tada kkeutnasseo.) — Things with that person just stayed a 썸 and ended.

This conveys the wistful situation of things wrapping up in an ambiguous state, never developing into a real relationship.

Casual and Polite Speech, and Similar Expressions

‘썸’ is a casual coined word used mainly in the informal speech (반말, banmal) between friends.

Informal: 너 걔랑 썸 타? (neo gyaerang sseom ta?) — Are you in a 썸 with them?
Polite: 혹시 두 분 썸 타시는 거예요? (hoksi du bun sseom tasineun geo-yeyo?) — Are you two, by any chance, in a 썸?

A similar expression is 밀당 (mildang). It’s short for ‘밀고 당기기 (milgo danggigi, pushing and pulling)’, and it means the ‘technique’ of managing feelings by moving toward and then pulling away from the other person. An easy way to distinguish them: if ‘썸’ is the state of a relationship, ‘밀당’ is the action that happens within it. Also, the person you’re in a 썸 with is called a 썸남 (sseomnam, the guy in the 썸) or a 썸녀 (sseomnyeo, the girl in the 썸).

Cultural Background: Why Does Korea Have ‘썸’?

In Korean dating culture, the official confession of “사귀자 (sagwija, Let’s date)” stands as an important turning point. There was a need for a word to name the fluttering gray zone before this confession, and in the 2010s the word ‘썸’ spread explosively. By now, it’s become a full-fledged, standard coined word that’s even made it into the dictionary.

The two leads in a drama during this stage laugh all night over a single little text, and spend the whole day fretting over one word from the other person. A romance drama that beautifully captured this tension unique to ‘썸’ — and was loved for it — is Discovery of Love (연애의 발견, KBS2, 2014). The flutter of an emotion that hasn’t been named yet, right before dating — that universal thrill is exactly why viewers all over the world fall for K-dramas.

Today’s Quiz

When two people obviously like each other and text every day, but haven’t yet made the “Let’s date” confession — what do you call this ambiguous relationship in Korean? And what verb goes after ‘썸’ to express being in this relationship?

(Answer: the relationship is 썸 (sseom), and the verb is 타다 (tada) — put together, “썸을 타다”!)

Definitions and example sentences are from the National Institute of Korean Language’s Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr); that portion of this post, including our translations, is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 KR.