The Backbone of Korean Politeness: Mastering '존댓말 (jondaenmal)'

When you watch Korean dramas, this kind of scene comes up all the time. A new employee ends every sentence with polite endings like “-습니다 (-seumnida)” or “-요 (-yo)” in front of their boss — but the moment they meet a friend their own age, their speech suddenly relaxes. At the center of this remarkable switch, where the same person changes how they talk depending on who they’re speaking to, is 존댓말 (jondaenmal). Without 존댓말, you can build Korean sentences, but you’ll have a hard time actually conversing with ‘a member of Korean society.‘

존댓말

존댓말 (jondaenmal) is speech that ‘elevates’ the listener, or someone/something connected to that listener. Its opposite is 반말 (banmal) — casual speech used with friends or people younger than you. The key point is that it’s not about a single word, but about the attitude of the entire sentence. Sometimes individual words change, like 밥 (bap) → 진지 (jinji), 나이 (nai) → 연세 (yeonse), or 주다 (juda) → 드리다 (deurida), and sometimes it’s the sentence ending that wraps up with “-요 (-yo)” or “-습니다/-ㅂ니다 (-seumnida/-mnida).”

To sum up the nuance: 존댓말 goes beyond simple ‘politeness’ — it’s a signal that acknowledges the distance, rank, and situation between you and the other person. That’s why, when you first meet someone, when the other person is older, or in formal settings, 존댓말 becomes the default.

Checking with the National Institute of Korean Language dictionary

존댓말 (jondaenmal) (noun): a word used to elevate a person or thing. [en] honorific — A form used in referring to a person or thing in order to convey respect. [es] trato honorífico — Forma de hablar con respeto al dirigirse a un objeto o una persona. [zh] 敬语 — 人或事物的尊称。 — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)

※ A Portuguese translation isn’t included in the dictionary, so for learners’ convenience we’ve translated it ourselves: tratamento honorífico — forma de falar com respeito ao se dirigir a uma pessoa ou objeto. (our own translation)

Let’s look at a few of the actual usage examples the dictionary provides, exactly as they appear.

엄마, 윗사람에게는 왜 존댓말을 써야 돼요? (eomma, witsaramege-neun wae jondaenmareul sseoya dwaeyo?) — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)

This is a question a child asks while learning the rules of 존댓말. The very fact that they ask ‘why’ shows that 존댓말 is something even Koreans have to learn.

어른에게 존댓말을 쓰지 않는 것은 한국 사회에서는 몰상식으로 통한다. (eoreunege jondaenmareul sseuji anneun geoseun hanguk sahoeeseo-neun molsangsigeuro tonghanda.) — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)

This sentence tells us that 존댓말 falls into the realm of ‘common sense,’ not ‘choice.’ Break the rule, and you’ll be seen as someone with no manners.

공은 공이고 사는 사이니, 아무리 너와 내가 친하다고 해도 공적인 자리에서는 존댓말을 쓰기로 하자. (gong-eun gong-igo sa-neun sa-ini, amuri neowa naega chinhadago haedo gongjeogin jarieseo-neun jondaenmareul sseugiro haja.) — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)

This is an example full of a very Korean sensibility: even between close friends, formal situations like meetings or presentations call for drawing a line with 존댓말 — business is business, and personal is personal.

우리 회사에서는 부하 직원에게 존댓말을 하는 상사가 드물다. (uri hoesaeseo-neun buha jigwonege jondaenmareul haneun sangsaga deumulda.) — National Institute of Korean Language, Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr)

This shows that 존댓말 can also be used from the top down. It means there are bosses who use 존댓말 to respect the other person, even when their own rank is higher.

Example sentences by situation (original creations)

① To a language-exchange partner you’re meeting for the first time at a café

처음 뵙겠습니다. 앞으로 잘 부탁드려요. (cheoeum boepgetseumnida. apeuro jal butakdeuryeoyo.)

When meeting someone for the first time, 존댓말 is always the safe choice. The 드리다 (deurida) in “부탁드려요 (butakdeuryeoyo)” is a classic 존댓말 word.

② From a convenience-store part-timer to a customer

봉투 필요하세요? 영수증 드릴까요? (bongtu piryohaseyo? yeongsujeung deurilkkayo?)

In service settings, staff use 존댓말 with customers regardless of age. The “-세요 (-seyo)” in “필요하세요 (piryohaseyo)” is the key ending that elevates the listener.

③ When asking after your grandmother

할머니, 진지 드셨어요? (halmeoni, jinji deusyeosseoyo?)

Here 밥 (bap) becomes 진지 (jinji), and 먹다 (meokda) becomes 드시다 (deusida). Even within the family, we use special elevating words for our elders.

존댓말 vs. 반말, and a mix-up worth knowing

Shall we compare the same idea in two ways?

존댓말: 어디 가세요? (eodi gaseyo?)
반말: 어디 가? (eodi ga?)

Another expression worth knowing is 높임말 (nopimmal). It’s used with almost the same meaning as 존댓말, but in grammar textbooks it often shows up when referring to the grammatical system for elevating the listener, as in 높임법 (nopimbeop, “honorific grammar”). 존댓말, on the other hand, is a much more common, familiar word in everyday life.

Cultural background — why go this far?

Workplace K-dramas regularly feature a new employee mixing up 반말 and 존댓말 and throwing their boss off balance. For example, in the tvN drama Misaeng (미생) (tvN, 2014), a single speech style reveals a character’s position and tension within an unfamiliar corporate hierarchy. (Rather than quoting the actual dialogue from the scene, we’re just describing the situation.)

존댓말 between romantic partners is another interesting topic. As the dictionary example “연인끼리 존댓말 쓰며 내외하는 것은 거리감이 느껴진다 (yeonin-kkiri jondaenmal sseumyeo naeoehaneun geoseun georigami neukkyeojinda)” suggests, some people feel 존댓말 as distance, while others feel it as polite consideration. In this way, 존댓말 is like a dial that adjusts the temperature of a relationship.

Closing quiz

You want to ask for directions from someone you’ve just met who looks older than you. Which of the following is the most appropriate thing to say?

저기, 길 좀 물어봐도 돼? (jeogi, gil jom mureobwado dwae?)
실례지만, 길 좀 여쭤봐도 될까요? (sillyejiman, gil jom yeojjwobwado doelkkayo?)
야, 여기 어디야? (ya, yeogi eodiya?)

Show answer

The answer is **#2**. 여쭤보다 (yeojjwoboda) is the 존댓말 form of 물어보다 (mureoboda), and the sentence wraps up politely with "-까요? (-kkayo?)". #1 and #3 are 반말, so they'd be rude to an older person you're meeting for the first time.

Definitions and example sentences are from the National Institute of Korean Language’s Basic Korean Dictionary (krdict.korean.go.kr); that portion of this post, including our translations, is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 KR.